WorldWidevieW: Young weddings in Developing Countries

While a number of people around the world enjoy the gift of freedom of choice, some are still imprisoned by society-induced incarceration with apparently unwise cultural practices happening in developing countries.

Children marriages in certain cultures are disturbing eye-openers of disparity between civilized and uncivilized dogmas. Much worse, the usual victims of which are girls whose minds are immature for married life.

http://t.co/RpWKW2dk -- bibliosensei (@bibliosensei)

posted from Bloggeroid

bookREview: Para Kay B and What We Should Know about Love

Love is a concept that is rather cliched by time due to the infinite number of irrepressible plundering of people who know no other topic to explore about. It's normally an innocent concept blamed by humanity for living a miserable life leaving them with nothing to scribble but this all-time-favorite and ironically ill-justified matter. Until Ricky Lee proposes a rather disturbing theory about love in his first attempt to write a novel: Para Kay B: O Kung Papano Dinevastate ng Pag-Ibig ang 4 out of 5 sa Atin (roughly translated as: For B: Or How Love Devastated 4 out 5 of Us).

"May quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig ay isa lang ang magiging maligaya."

What we know about love is that it is something that can bring heaven into what seems to be a hellish life, while sometimes it is what brings someone into the deepest, darkest and unknown-of pits of hell. What we may not know is the possible statistics of such cases. But Ricky Lee promotes a theory that love has a quota - that for every five person who is in love, only one will remain happy in the end.

Para Kay B is a story of five women who were caught by the spell of love and who, in the end of each chapter, are seen to have been left alone to brood over their loss in the battle with love. Irene, Sandra, Ericka, Ester and Bessie are faces of typical women who just hoped to love and be loved in return. Irene lived her life clinging into the promise of marriage Jordan made when they were young. Sandra's case is an evidence of love having no boundaries as she fell in love with her brother Lupe who is banished by his father for committing an "immoral" act. Ester's story focused on lesbian affair with her kasambahay Sara while being married with a loving husband who met an unfortunate plight abroad. Ericka is a woman who never felt love until the time Jake was reduced to being incapable of thinking rightly. Finally, Bessie boasts love is not true for she has had several relationships with men and she never felt anything for them until Lucas came into her life.

Left with somehow tragic ending for the women and their lovers, the readers are introduced in the succeeding chapter to the notion that it is the writer - Lucas - who has control over the lives of the characters. While thinking over how he would end his stories one night, he was disturbed by the five main characters demanding for a happy ending. He conceded and eventually gave them what they like except for Sandra who settled on the ending in her chapter. Similarly, Bessie and Lucas' story is also left open-ended as the supposed real Bessie is now with Brigs, a character who inflicted Lucas physical pain. Nevertheless, the manuscript the writer Lucas gave to Bessie give the reader a sense of light on the love between Bessie and Lucas.

Ricky Lee artfully crafted the novel without taking into account literary and moralistic conventions creating impact on the curious reader. Lines are blatant yet truthful, and scenes capture what seem to be an obscured reality in the present society.

A story within a story, Para Kay B is an example of an emerging classic, having a high possibility of becoming an exponent of paradigm shift in mainstream conservative Filipino writing.

iThink: Peace Thoughts

There are six billion of us who right now are roaming around the Earth – six billion people wrecking havoc at places and leaving a nasty imprint at every soil they step on. We are uncontrollable, undaunted by the threat of humanity’s end which springs from our selfishness and greed for wealth and power.

Yes, I said that right. Each one of us in certain ways contribute to building the wall that keep us farther away from attaining genuine peace on Earth. Even the self-confessed advocates of peace may unconsciously give their own share in the rising wall. Try to answer these honestly: How many times have you failed to simply flash a “true” smile to another person whom you come across with on your way to work just because you are busy thinking about how you can accomplish a task successfully to earn a promotion?; How many times did you forgive other persons’ misgivings even though they are consistently making your life miserable day after day?; How many times have you reflected about whether you hurt someone with your words and actions and planned to accept your fault and sincerely apologize for it in the earliest possible time?; When have you thanked God for giving you another day on Earth, not because you need it but because you can complete other persons’ existence through it?

John Donne once said, “No man is an island entire of itself, every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the whole…” We exist all because somebody else exists. A person’s destiny is determined by another person’s choices and decisions in life. If that is so, why do we need to fight over an issue only to find out later that we can solve it at an open and peaceful dialogue? Why should powerful countries launch wars and engage in more bloodshed with other countries to attain the most-coveted peaceful living? It is said that a mistake, no matter how simple or complicated, no matter how big or small can and will never be solved by another mistake.

We are dubbed as the highest form of being on Earth for we are endowed with wisdom – wisdom that allows us to discriminate those which is right and which is wrong, those which can hurt or which can elevate morale and those which can help a person realize his potentials or can destroy his hope for success. But why does it seem like we haven’t perfected those gifts yet despite all the generations that passed before us? There are so many questions yet only a few have answers.

In consideration of all of these, I envision a world where people respect one another. One, where the populace is sensitive about each other’s feelings and not one where everyone tries to reach the pinnacle at the cost of stepping down at somebody else. I am dreaming of a world where we, the people realize the importance of other person’s existence for without them our existence wouldn’t also be possible. I yearn for a society where people are honest with what they think and feel because by honesty, all other good things will come.

Respect. Sensitivity. Honesty. These are three simple words that are vital to achieving genuine peace on Earth. It may be impossible to force other people to practice these three but if we start it with ourselves, since we are in some ways interconnected with one another, the chance of achieving that most sought-after prize will be a 100% possibility in the future.

However, I must admit that my voice, energy and resources in promoting this advocacy are incomparable with those of big organizations dedicated to promoting peace but I know that as a simple teacher, my words will live on in the hearts and minds of my students even after my life here on Earth ends. My hopes are high that one of them will someday become a catalyst of the genuine and lasting peace that the past generation started to envision since time immemorial and that we of today’s generation are still painstakingly seeking for.

iThink: Why I Regret Choosing SMART Bro

Look at the Download Speed.

(That's equivalent to 20Kbps! EVEN SLOWER THAN DIAL-UP!

for the "Up to 2Mbps" they say in the ads.)

For those who are planning to subscribe to SMART Bro in Quezon Province, be forewarned. Do not be fooled by their ads because it's definitely misleading and deceiving.

I have subscribed to their Unlimited Internet Plan 999 Plug-It last March 25 and since then, i can say I am not truly satisfied with the service I am receiving. I opted for SMART instead of other internet service provider, first, because they are the only provider who offers Unlimited Internet for their Plug-It and secondly, I thought all along that their service is better than the others because they are partners of PLDT. I have PLDT at home, in Lucena as my internet provider and it never failed from giving me the speed I am paying for. If only PLDT DSL can be carried anywhere, I wouldn't have been deceived by SMART.

I tried the Plug-it in Lucena City first before I went back to Lucban, Quezon. It did not go well. In fact, I did a speedtest and it just gave me about 0.10 Mbps download speed. I thought that maybe it just needs a good signal (though it has 3 bars of HSDPA then).

I went back to Lucban. I reside in a place close to the SMART tower. But in my first three days, I could not even play a youtube video nor could I open www.speedtest.net without waiting for minutes for them to load. So I contacted their customer service representative to inquire about my problem. They asked about my laptop's specs. Probably, they could not find any loopholes from my system all because it was just two weeks old. They promised to act on my case. After two days, I followed-up my concern and only then did I see some results. For two days, the speed improved quite a bit yet still reaching probably 200Kbps. After two days, it went back again to even slower than before I complained. During those two days, I expected more than 200Kbps because they said it could reach up to 2Mbps yet I never even felt half of that speed.

So I just waited for the month to end, paid my bills on time, waited and waited for another month, hoping they're doing everything to fix the problem, paid the next bill on time but still, no good results.

This is the second month already. I came to realize that I've been fooled by the company to be tied with them for two years and to earn 24, ooo pesos from me for the 24-month contract I signed in.

Look at the Receive Rate. Look at the Signal.

The receive rate is 0.00 even though I have full bars of 3G!

I became furious for the sluggish connection. I can't watch videos from the internet. I can't even open websites because the receive rate is always down at 0.00 eventhough I have five full bars of HSDPA signal! I've read a lot of hate posts in the internet regarding the services of SMART Bro and I was infuriated even more by the fact that they are fooling not only me, but probably majority of their customers. If you would look at the user rating at www.speedtest.net, you'd be surprised that SMART Broadband Inc. only received 2 out 5 satisfaction rating.

Everytime I call their customer hotline, they always ask me the same things. They do not want to admit that it's their network who's got the problem, not their users. They once told me that the speed also depends upon the number of users on the network. So, does that mean that their customers are to be blamed for slowing down the connection speed? Is it fair to blame customers who are using the service they are loyally paying for the slow connection? Well then, why are they still accepting more subscribers if they know their system can't hold that much? They should have mentioned in their ads or their employees, before their customers sign the contract, should have said that the "UP TO 2MBPS" speed they are boasting is TO BE SHARED and cannot be individually enjoyed. At least I would not be complaining like this if they informed me.

I e-mailed certain authorities about the problem and I hope they'd do something about this. I also learned that it's not only me who has this problem, but there are 2000 of us whom I can assure who are experiencing these problems. And I know there are more...

I hope someday, SMART would get better.

But right now, if you want to to experience the same thing, I'm urging you to visit your nearest SMART Wireless Center!

techTrack: Snappy's Born

For such a long time, I've been wanting to have this... but last saturday, my long-time wish was granted all because of the affordable pricetag it has... I'm glad that now, everything will be easier and hassle-free.

To the world wide web, heed my call for i'm gonna step into the rythym by storm!!!... again. haha...

iThink: Modern-day Vampires

Ask a learned kid about how much he knows about the world and he would immediately respond, without hesitation, with pride and affirmation that it's a planet, elliptical, almost circular in shape consisting of a larger percentage of water, arable and non-arable soil, minerals of unparalleled number and extensively populated by mankind.

If that's the way you picture this planet, considering the time you've spent roaming around its conspicuous or sometimes obscured corners, then you just have to admit that you haven't grown at all regardless of your age.

I must confess that time has left me somewhere where winds lack the strength to carry me away from the confines of innocence. 

A teacher from the school where I do my practice teaching once stressed that I have "an air of a genius" on the very first day she saw me. Adding more substance to her speculation, my classmates revealed that I have a good academic standing for I am bound to receive some recognition on our graduation. Well, it's not something that would give me enough money to uplift my family's economic status so, being proud of it might not be the right term to attach to it.

Talking about genius, for quite some time, I defined the term as having the knowledge about what respectable books claim to be true, being able to effectively apply them in real life and accepting the fact that it is something to be shared rather than kept. And so, I wormed my way out of orthodoxy and decided to follow the footsteps of the wise.

I'm under the impression that the latter two deserve a nod while my first notion is just a parcel of the whole I need to have.

I once thought that books or any other written accounts can answer every possible question a person may pose on a wide expanse of topics. It's because of the idea that writers, more often than not, recreate and immortalize real human experiences on paper only tapping them a bit to invite a wider audience at their feet.

Now, I came to the conclusion that I am missing the broader picture of the real world. Ignorant? Innocent? Call me both.

I live in a city so urbanized and progressive that it is fair enough to mention it being virtually close to the conditions of Manila particularly at daylight, or so I once thought. The hustle and bustle of the day for business transactions has never dawned on me to be similar to the night's silent trade. Money rolls day after day in our locality but it also does night after night, as I have recently learned.

If businesses related to economics are the main agenda for the day, businesses pertaining to personal human necessities, which is inexcusably an understatement, feed on the rays of the moon.

The trade usually satisfies Adam and "slightly" Adam's lot - the vampires if you'd permit me to refer. I now believe more than ever that mysteries do happen at night thanks to a couple of friends who opened my eyes to see the other, more furtive side of the coin. 

The feast begins as early as nine at night where these vampires, tired from the hassles of hiding under the professional wardrobe yet hungry for human flesh, hunt for the potential "snack" or "dinner" that could put their surging hormones at bay.

If you'd like to catch the best among the preys, you better make sure to hunt not later than midnight flashing your most attractive bait, which of course, is no other than cold cash. Otherwise, you'll have to settle yourself with the residues left behind. Well, that works fine if you're caught at the middle of some financial crisis. Just don't expect something great out of your prey for they might smell and look like werewolves or something.

You don't need to have abilities like running fast, reading minds, or predicting the future for they are inessential to your hunt. Your eyes are enough to pass the message of interest to your prey. By the way, you're a predator, remember? Something about you should invite your prey to fall right into your lap without exerting much effort. Good looks, wealth or both can sometimes do the thing.

On the occasion that your prey's eyes meet your gaze, you'd know if it's willing if it went to follow you. In the real world, preys have a say if they would agree to be your late dinner or not. And that's a rule of the thumb unless desperation comes in.

You'd have to stop at a corner, bargain its price, have a memorandum of agreement in your heads, verbally signed and close the deal if you settled the score properly.

After that, whatever you plan to do with your dinner, be careful not to go off the provisions of your MOA or you might get into  big trouble.

Pricing however, is not a fixed one for it is not monitored by the DTI. The authority is asleep while vampires do the hunting. If not, they themselves are closet vampires who usually join the coven as they move out of their office upon twilight - their safest part of the day. If you're a prey, you'd surely see some of the big fish either in a coven or just by themselves flashing their golden fangs.

Educated-looking preys normally have a four to five digit price tag. If these predators don't seem to have a thicker pocket for the night, street children who aimlessly wonder Eros' street might agree with a two-digit price tag.

The night is long for the vampires. They can choose to fatten their prey with alcohol before he do his thing. This I learned, is a key to unlock the barrier both parties have set at first in the MOA. The prey would be so much wasted as it would never remember anything that happened while predator eats his sumptuous dinner.

As the sun bids another day, the vampires immediately go back to their lairs as if nothing happened at all. They would put on their disguise - their professional wardrobe, wearing a sardonic smile and vigor, forcing a pretentious move they are so much accustomed with and hoping the day to end fast. The only traceable evidence of the feast and the hunt are dark-hued circles forming in their pale-looking eyes.

It’s hard to imagine that beside the world I thought to be, another one, more stale, more gruesome is lurking just around the corner when my frail body submits to the circadian rhythm at night.

What was once personal, intimate and divine is now posing to be the next big trade to hit the stock market – a reality we should all face. Sadly, where development gains ground, vampires lay their coven’s cornerstone with needy and desperate preys who were sank down by the high standard of living, as the primary commodity of the trade.

Solution? If the hunting stops, immorality can too. And I doubt this would ever happen. It’s human nature.

bookREview: New Moon by Stephenie Mayer

Category:	Books
Genre:	Science Fiction & Fantasy
Author:	Stephenie Meyer

Rating: 5 Stars

Paris and Juliet. That wouldn't buy greater audience than how much Romeo and Juliet did. That wouldn't profess the meaning of true love - a kind of love that can withstand perpetual sadness. And that would never ever inch on the list of classics worth promoting despite time's rapid current.

Stephenie Meyer knows better than let Bella Swan, her heroine, bite the bait Jacob Black sent out for her while she's swimming at the middle of a sea of emotional distress in her second installment of the emerging classic, the Twilight Saga - New Moon.

New Moon is centered around the love triangle that arose between Bella, Jacob and Edward at a time when Edward decided to leave Bella for good. Edward thought this step best because he blames himself for endangering Bella's life more with him, being not human but a vampire - a bloodsucker, a cold one.

The adventure and the heart-pounding emotions Meyer placed in the narrative, the heart break a normal girl would surely feel, the longing this heartbroken fellow has for a love she aren't sure would ever come back, the disappointment this poor girl has for herself at making her friends vulnerable to the danger she should have been solely shouldering and the hate she has for herself for allowing her best friend to have hope she could someday learn to love him, packed into a conflict that offers no rational solution gives me the impression that this volume is one of the best written plot I've ever read so far.SPOILER ALERT 

The novel began with a nerve-racking scene in the Cullen's house, in a party insisted by Alice to be held as Bella turned 18. A danger magnet, as always, Bella accidentally cut her hand while opening Edward's present, releasing blood that triggered Jasper's eagerness to drink a true human's blood.

This just justified Edward's decision to better leave Bella to give her a chance of a normal human life. The Cullens fled several days after and Edward and Bella parted bitterly in a forest near Charlie's [Bella's dad] house. Before leaving, Edward took everything that would remind Bella of the Cullens. It's as if, as Edward put it, he never existed.

Sam Uley later found Bella deep into the forest at the middle of the night in a search constituted by Charlie. This made Charlie furious with Edward as he just left her daughter unprotected in the forest. Bella found later that all of the things that the Cullens would remind her was taken back by Edward.

After four months of moping, as Charlie straightly describes Bella's actions/ reactions over what happened, Bella tried to move forward. Her first attempt - an invitation with Jessica to the movie at Port Angeles - was futile.

One day, while she made her mind drift while driving, she saw two rundown motorcycles in front of the Marks' residence with a sign that tells it's for sale. It was eventually acquired by Bella for free because the boy who received her said it's more like a garbage than an item worth purchasing.

These motorcycles brightened the friendship between Jacob and Bella, which in turn helped her recover from the lifeless stupor brought about by Edward's absence. Bella asked Jacob to help her fix the motorcycles together as well as learning it to drive. That made Bella make a daily trip to La Push, a place where the Blacks live.

After some time, Bella almost accepted the fact that what she feels for Jacob is already more than friendship, though she made it clear to him when he confessed his feelings at the movie house while Mike was throwing up that she couldn't offer him anything more than friendship.

After the not very good movie night, Bella caught the stomach flu Mike also has that night. She thought Jacob also caught it, but she later found, because of impatience of not seeing Jacob for two weeks, that Jacob's scary story about werewolves were true. And that Jacob has turned into one.

She wasn't supposed to know about it as it is against the rule Sam's gang [the pack of wolves] established. But because it turned out that Bella is the main subject of Victoria, James' mate, to avenge his death she was accepted by the gang..

With that revelation, Bella was instructed to be in La Push as much as she can for the werewolves to protect her. One day, Jacob promised Bella to try "cliff jumping" as she had seen Sam's gang was doing while they [Bella and Jacob] was about to try their newly-repaired bikes.

Jacob was not able to make it on time that day because of patrolling the perimeter of La Push for Victoria. Bella, eager to hear the voice of Edward in her head, which happens almost every time she's in danger, jumped off the cliff without Jacob, aware that the weather was brewing danger.

She would have drowned had Jacob did not come to the rescue in time. Bella thought she saw some flames under the water but she later learned that it was Victoria, making it to the water now, instead in land, where vampires are best at. She also learned that Harry [Clearwater], Charlie's friend had a heart attack and that he died.

Jacob brought Bella back to Charlie's house only to be surprised by Carlisle's black Mercedes parked in front. Jacob immediately knew that a vampire is inside the house. It took some time to convince Jacob that this is not Victoria but probably one of the Cullens before he left her.

Upon opening the door, Bella was surprised to see Alice, in her marble and ever angelic face, standing at the center of their living room. She threw her hand to Alice because it proved her that what happened the year before, when she arrived in Forks wasn't just an illusion after all.

Alice was happy to see Bella alive because her reason for coming is that her visions told her that Bella was committing suicide by jumping off the cliff. Bella explained everything to her. Afterwards, she pleaded Alice to stay to cover up what she missed in the eight months of their absence.

Charlie returned home, surprised to see Alice. The next day, he went to Harry's funeral. Jacob went to visit that day but he was disappointed with the fact that the vampire hasn't departed yet.

The phone rang. Jacob thought it was Carlisle. The caller was asking for Charlie and he said he's in the funeral. Bella went furious with Jacob for not letting her answer the phone.

Alice came in with a confused and scared look. She saw Edward going to Italy, trying to provoke the Volturi kill him. They all found out that it wasn't Carlisle who called but it was Edward. Rosalie told Edward about Alice's vision about Bella and Edward tried to straightly inquire Charlie about it. Edward thus thought that Bella was dead because Charlie was at a funeral.

Alice and Bella immediately flew to Italy to stop Edward's plans. When Alice saw that the Volturi refused to accept Edward's request and instead, invited him to become one of them because of his unique talent of mind reading, Edward then decided to provoke the Volturi of killing him by exposing their kind at the height of a festival in Volterra where people would definitely be surprised by someone who looks exactly like diamonds under the afternoon sun.

Thankfully, they arrived on time. Edward at first thought that he's already dead, being together with Bella. Two Volturi guards waked him to reality. At first the three of them, Edward, Alice and Bella refused to come with them but after a guard named Jane appeared, they seemed to follow with consent. It turned out that this Jane is talented in confounding.

They were brought into Aro's audience. The Volturi wasn't about to allow Bella away with her knowledge about Vampires without making her into one, but Alice let Aro see her visions and in them, he saw Bella turning into one of them.

When they left Italy, the Cullens all brought Bella back home. Naturally, Charlie was furious, but Bella tried to calm her father no matter how much tired she was. On the way home, Bella tried not to sleep because she's afraid Edward might leave her. But upon arriving home, Edward promised her not to leave.

Edward took his word and when Bella woke up, she thought all that happened the last three days were just a dream and that she's still in that dream. Edward convinced her that she's not dreaming, but Bella claimed she don't want to believe that because it would only tear her heart if Edward leaves again.

Near the end, Bella asked the Cullens to vote for her immortality. Majority agreed on making Bella one of them. She made Carlisle promise to make her a vampire after she graduates High School. Edward was so furious that she broke something in the main living room of their house.

When Edward brought Bella back to Charlie's house, he made a deal with her. He would be the one to turn her into a vampire if she would agree to marry him as soon as possible. But Bella, thinking Charlie and Renee's reaction, disagreed on this. He then asked her to wait for five years, which lessened into one then six months if she wants him to turn her into a vampire himself.

Bella did not agree and still clung to the promise made by Carlile - to make her immortal upon her graduation which will be after several weeks.

On the next day, Charlie grounded Bella and imposed hours of Edward's visit. Little did Charlie know, Edward sneaks through Bella's window as soon as he walks out of Charlie's door.

Because of Bella's punishment, she was not allowed to go anywhere, even La push. Jacob thought Edward prohibited Bella to visit him that's why he chose to betray her with the motorcycle. Charlie went furious over the motorcycle thinking how dangerous it can be.

Jacob later found that Bella was grounded - the reason why she can't visit him. Edward grabbed the opportunity to thank Jacob for saving Bella's life when he did not. Jacob was not gratified by this but he left apologizing to Bella. The story ended with Charlie howling inside the house in fury.

bookREview: Twilight [Stephenie Meyer]

Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author: Rating	Stephenie Meyer 4 Stars

"...just because we've been... dealt with a certain hand... it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above - to conquer the boundaries that none of us wanted."

Thus pointed by Edward Cullen in Stephenie Meyer's heart-pounding and alluring novel that in such a short time, earned a considerable number of followers who, in turn, proved the novel's as well as the author's brilliance.

Twilight, permit me to say, is just a simple, plain yet captivating teenage love story, only spiced by the conflict that it's a kind of affair which is forbidden and naturally unacceptable in the real sense.

The way the author weaved Edward and Bella's affair is not very far from an ordinary love story scribbled by some lowly author who can be satisfied in freelance writing of cheap pocketbooks in the market. But one thing, in my view, did the trick that drew the fence separating cheap authors from this vampire story goddess. Meyer sure knows how it is to be young.

If in other novels, you would be thrilled by the unfolding of suspenseful events, Twilight, surprisingly and impressively does the complete opposite.

Twilight's popularity, in my opinion, feeds on the lines the characters throw to one another, especially those of Edward's and Bella's. Their dialogues are so passionate, so meaningful, so full of youthful energy and bravado that would keep you hanging and read in a rapid pace until you turn the succeeding pages where they would once again talk, releasing and increasing tension at the same time.

Such stance of the author to make the narratives revolve around the character's emotions expressed through impressive dialogues, I must confess, forms a large percentage of the success of book.

After I completely digested everything the book has to offer, I came to a conclusion that it's a worthy contender to the success the Harry Potter series now claims. This is my bold answer to those who outrightly compare Meyer with Rowling together with the characters they sketched. However, their approach is different. Meyer brings cliff-hangers through the lines while Rowling does the magic in the events.

I particularly liked the idea of Edward being able to read the thoughts of other people with Bella as the sole exception. I want also to give credit to Meyer's giving emphasis as to why her vampires are godlike compared to some others who portray theirs as monster-like and ghost-like.."I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell... - mentioned by Edward in Chapter 13, "Confessions." If I am a child, I would have believed in vampires and would have been convinced by their existence because of this line.

The author ended the novel in a manner which completely satisfies her readers but which urge them to crave for more - a good way to keep them tailing for the next volumes.

Nevertheless, the first thing that urged me to give the book four stars instead of a perfect five is the introduction of the Quileutes in chapter 6, "Scary Stories," which seemed to me that the author just tried to force something out of myths and legends in such an absurd manner. It's as if the preceding chapters are all part of reality while that chapter, with no warning at all, turned that reality into fantasy haphazardly. Though it's a good entrypoint to enlighten readers about the true nature of Edward, it's just not that convincing.

But if you ask me, the long history of the Cullens, recounted by Edward on Bella's visit to his family is brilliantly narrated. If it's not for this, that four, might push backward to three.

Second, some of the sarcasms which the author used are not very universal - something which not every reader could instantly understand. Meyer probably did not, at first, consider her book to reach this fame and to spread in the unexpected corners of the world. That cultural barrier, evident particularly in the dialogues of the characters, slackened my reading pace from time to time because I first have to be certain with the meaning of the character's figurative words.

Third, and I think most influential of all, I guess I just expected too much from this book because it became the talk of every mouth I know in school, at home, my friend circle, not to mention the unparalleled media hype and the rising number of online groups that worship this series. If not for these maybe, what you see in this review is not a four but a shining five star for rating.

To end this very subjective review, it's two thumbs up for Meyer for having conceived a story which has always been explored by many a writer in history but which has never been tapped to a full blow much like she did in Twilight.

iThink: an epistle of love

At first, I intended to write a story, but instead, I came up with this, a letter. I guess it would best convey the message I intend to give. So, here it goes:

My dearest angel,

I thought my feelings for you are over and done already. I hate the idea that my thoughts deceived me once again. I just can't hide the fact that my heart still calls for your name. That it never healed the wounds I tried to inflict into it just to force it to forget you because I know all along that you are together with a worthier man, I, myself couldn't ever match.

When we meet from time to time, I thought a period is already drawn between you and me. Little chats with matters that don't even concern us made me believe that I have totally forgotten the things I tried to hide from you ever since we were together as schoolmates, as friends. 

Friendship. That's the only thing we could both share and for several years, I clung to that and pressed this incessant beating of my heart to a stop. I buried everything. My hopes, my wishes, my future plans with you, my courage to confess this love I especially hid from you during those times I sought after the answers to questions that continue to bug me even up to now.

I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better who would replicate the tender love and care you could give. Someone who would spend precious time for you and who would spare moments from his busy schedule to keep in touch with you. I knew this already ever since -  that I could never supply the same happiness you already have with him. If you ask me, I'm very much happy for you because you found someone who could return that perfect feeling you ideally drew in the air when we were younger, when we were more carefree, when I thought we could have a chance together.

I deeply apologize for not telling you before that what I feel for you is no longer of friendship but something more tender, more pressing, more amazing, more euphoric that seeps deeply into the bones. I feel like I betrayed you, but please, don't get upset. I did that to save you from anguish because had I win your heart, you might just suffer from my mood swings, from this eternal hate I feel for myself.

Yes, I buried everything and I know perfectly well that the soil I used to seal that love into the abyss of darkness has turned rock solid in time. But I never had a single hint that everything would turn back the moment you put your hand in my shoulder. I think you have forgotten that instance, which happened just recently when we met, when your smooth hand touched my shoulder when you were about to give me something.

There seemed to have a loud bang that heralded how my love has never wavered in time. Something like lightning struck my heart in that exact moment when you pressed your hand against my shoulder. Something words can never express told me that you are indeed who I need, like in those moments on movies where the world stopped spinning and a voice proclaims: she is the girl you will spend your lifetime with.

Everything I buried, even sorrows and grief I forced to keep mum and lay hidden behind the smiles I wear every minute of the day struck me flatly in that instant. So, I said, I can't really teach this heart to retreat and seek another.

I tried to divert my thoughts to other things just to force back those feelings that sprang again in a single jolt. But every time I secretly catch your eyes, blood surge in my arteries and I couldn't control the beating that became more rapid and uncontrollable.

I managed to control it though. But when I arrived home all with those crazy antics we had that day frenzying into my head, when I was about to get some rest, when I closed my eyes, the thoughts, feelings and those that suddenly sprang up all turned back revolving constantly in my brain. Then, at the center, I saw your face. The angelic face I so adored before, prevented me from getting an early rest. 

All my regrets, sorrows, grievances and grudges for not having the courage to tell you what I feel before returned mocking me more and more and making me dismayed for not being some other person who have certain qualities you definitely would be proud of. I detested fate for letting me meet you at a time when I am most powerless and weak. At the same time, I hated myself for thinking negatively even before I ever took the very first step in the pursuit of your heart.

Until now, at this age, I'm still at the state of frivolous confusion. Somewhere around this world, I know I can find that missing piece in the puzzle that for so long exhausted my energy and will to seek another soul. I hate to think that you are that missing chip because I know I no longer have the right to contest for your heart now that someone already possess that fragile piece.

If ever I could turn back time and have the chance to redo something, I will still do the same - keep my love hidden from your sight. You know why? It's because I don't want your hands to get soiled in my endless search for myself. I don't want to see you shedding tears in my fruitless quest to discover who I am and who I should be that even at this moment is still covered with haze that constantly add more pain in my being. You're so special that I can't see you walking beside me tirelessly into a hot desert to look for my life's oasis. 

And so, I let you drift in the current alone, hoping that somehow, somewhere, someone could see you to bring you to the safer side of the stream. I'm glad that he saw you. But I think, no matter how much I try to win you back in proper time, I already know your heart will never be mine...

PS: I specially dedicate this song to you, which pretty much contains what my heart personally wants to tell you. I hope you could spare some time to listen to it...

FALL FOR YOU by Second Hand Serenade

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home [x4]
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

iThink: who am i?

For quite some time, I've been perplexed with this question. It may bewilder you, but that's just the fact. I don't really know who I am at this point in time, or even worse, I think I haven't really discovered myself in my entire existence yet. There are things which a part of me tells that I have to do this but the other half insists that I do that.

Nothing, I guess is more hateful than being ignorant of who you are and who you are not. The distance between the two is just as far as the earth and the sky and just like these two, they can never meet halfway through the middle. But then, why do I still keep on facing towards the location where illusion sets a sturdy boundary from reality? Oh, I'm so confused.

I feel like I'm trying to catch an illusive bird but though the effort is fruitless, I still try my luck. This may sound like a silly comparison, but this is just what I feel. 

Apart from this, another thing that vexxes me the most all along is the question: who should I be? What would happen if I do this and that? Would I have a glimpse of the self I ideally placed in my head?

I hate to admit this but I'm terribly insecure with other people having the qualities I really like to have. Contentment, they say, is the only road to happiness. But I can't seem to settle completely and be contented with what I have, what I know and what I am.

How I wish I have someone who could show me the way out of this rough road. How I wish an angel would bring me light so that I could escape from the wilderness of the world I learn to hate. How I wish wishes could come true..