iThink: who am i?

For quite some time, I've been perplexed with this question. It may bewilder you, but that's just the fact. I don't really know who I am at this point in time, or even worse, I think I haven't really discovered myself in my entire existence yet. There are things which a part of me tells that I have to do this but the other half insists that I do that.

Nothing, I guess is more hateful than being ignorant of who you are and who you are not. The distance between the two is just as far as the earth and the sky and just like these two, they can never meet halfway through the middle. But then, why do I still keep on facing towards the location where illusion sets a sturdy boundary from reality? Oh, I'm so confused.

I feel like I'm trying to catch an illusive bird but though the effort is fruitless, I still try my luck. This may sound like a silly comparison, but this is just what I feel. 

Apart from this, another thing that vexxes me the most all along is the question: who should I be? What would happen if I do this and that? Would I have a glimpse of the self I ideally placed in my head?

I hate to admit this but I'm terribly insecure with other people having the qualities I really like to have. Contentment, they say, is the only road to happiness. But I can't seem to settle completely and be contented with what I have, what I know and what I am.

How I wish I have someone who could show me the way out of this rough road. How I wish an angel would bring me light so that I could escape from the wilderness of the world I learn to hate. How I wish wishes could come true..