end of a long-time slumber

the days are already counted. The 2008 summer vacation in the Philippines is drawing to a close with the start of another school year by the tenth of June, some, at the 16th.

I wouldn't really mind it to ever end, had it not my last summer vacation as a student. I'm one step closer to being a professional educator because now I only need to endure the burden entailed by my course for about ten months, and presto, the diploma will be mine.

Right now, I can't quite figure out how my life would be like once I was released by the educational institution to the wilderness of the real world. The feeling is similar to a scenario like when you're taking an ideal bath, covered with bubbly soap and enveloped by lukewarm water then suddenly you're grandmother knocks on the door to demand that she really have to release that grueling tempest or else your house will suffer the fragrance of her poop. It's like you're stuck on a crossroad dwelling on a bittersweet situation, unable to decide whether you should go or not, thinking that no matter what you do, it will eventually strike naturally as expected.

I don't feel even a nick of excitement for it, but instead, grudge over a life i'm quite uncertain if i've spent befittingly. I hope time will not come that I regret anything I've left behind. And I'm certain there's too many.

Should I proceed? But of course, I should, right? But would I ever succeed? Now that's the big question. I don't know if I should really rely on the old adage that contends that destiny is not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice. It is something not to be taken but it's to be achieved. This makes me so much puzzled and anxious about the future.

I consider my childhood and teenage life as a long slumber to gain the right amount of energy necessary for an adult life labeled with success and happiness. My long sleep, I guess isn't sufficient yet to earn me a good adulthood, but I expect to grow on the process. By the way, they say life starts at 40. Right now, I'm half-way to that age. Hence, a great number of experiences is still piling up ahead until that time comes.

Bahala na si batman.